Don't let a Grudge be the Judge~

 Don't Let a Grudge be the Judge~

Mary Ann Wray

Definition: Grudge: a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury. "She held a grudge against her former boss".

Synonyms: grievance, resentment, bitterness, rancor, dissatisfaction, disgruntlement, bad feelings, hard feelings, ill feelings, ill will, animosity, antipathy, antagonism, enmity, chip on one’s shoulder

Today, through a certain post on social media, I realized I had been holding a grudge against someone from way back in the past whom I felt didn’t treat me and my family justly. For this reason, and the fact that it is a means of ministry for me, I appreciate Social Media even though it can be abused like anything else. When the Holy Spirit convicted me of this I realized that I have had a problem in this area and seek victory over it in Jesus’ name. You see, holding a grudge against someone can come about for several reasons. One is that they did something to you that was unjust or morally wrong and the second being they didn’t do something for you or to you that they should have, at least in your own estimation. Carrying a grudge is holding a standard over someone that is not up to you or I to do: that is the Father’s job and responsibility. The void that was left by omission or sins of commission against you and I, can and should only be filled by Jesus Himself. Otherwise, we’ll want to seek revenge or fill the hole with something ungodly.

“And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself.” Ephesians 1:23 NLT

The Bible does say that if there is an offense with a brother or sister we are to go to them privately and try to make it right-not publically I might add. Beyond that if they don’t make it right through forgiveness and in some cases restitution, we have to leave it to the Father who brings about justice in His way and in His time (Revelations 15: 3; Romans 12: 19; Hebrews 10: 30). This spiritual discipline requires humility, obedience and courage. No one likes confrontation, but if we want to see relationships whole and in some instances mended, we have to do it God’s way!

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5: 23-24

Growing up in a very dysfunctional home I experienced many traumas. In the book, “The Life Model, Living from the Heart Jesus gave you”, the five different Christian Authors of the work identify two types of traumas: Trauma A & B. The first is a trauma done against you that leaves scars of rejection, molestation, verbal abuse etc. on the soul even long after the incident(s) occurred. The other type of trauma is the absence of things that should have been done for you in your formative years such as affirmation, loving correction, godly wisdom and guidance from a loving father etc. Like many people, I experienced both types of traumas.

Most of the traumas in my formative years were Type B Traumas. I lacked positive affirmation, loving correction, and godly guidance and wisdom. Years later at the age of 22 when I was saved from my sins and had a powerful encounter with the Living Christ, my spirit was totally reborn and I found a sense of love and acceptance in the Father. However, over time, I began to realize and understand that my soul (mind, will and emotions) was ‘stuck’ in some areas due to unresolved issues. That’s where the renewing of the mind is so necessary (Romans 12). The Holy Spirit is constantly trying to convict us of sin, righteousness and judgment so we can be transformed and matured in Christ. He will use all kinds of things to convict us:  sermons, books, teachers, preachers, circumstances and other loving people in our lives as well as His still small voice. We all have certain blind spots that keep us from seeing the true condition of our hearts. The problem is that His still small voice often goes unchecked or ignored by us. You see, I equated correction with rejection and avoided any type of internal ‘soul’ pain confusing it with the emotional pain of traumas in my childhood.

For this reason, Jesus gave us a prayer model in Luke 11. The principle of forgiveness is one of the things we must practice daily because offenses will come and we may also realize we’ve got some past axe to grind with someone over a situation that we had no control over and haven’t released to the Father.  Holding a grudge holds us hostage to it and stunts our spiritual growth. It also constricts the love of God in our hearts because we’re holding back His love while we hold on to the past. It’s a matter of choice: walking in darkness or walking in His light. A grudge acts as a veil blinding us to God’s love, forgiveness, mercy and pardon but forgiveness by an act of our wills rends it and causes His light to come flooding back into our hearts. We need to ask our Father to be our sole expectation in life and free us from our subconscious expectations of others. I came to understand that I was placing emotional demands on people because of past disappointments in relationships. I realized that I had to renounce this type of behavior and replace it with hope in the Lord alone and renewing my mind.

“It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in princes.” Psalms 118: 9 AKJV

When we recall a past offense there is a spiritual exercise or discipline required to counteract it. We have no control over the past-only the present. You see, Newton’s Third Law of Motion states “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. Forces always come in pairs - equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs. 

In all relationships, there is ‘give and take’. Often times one may feel they are giving more than the other and they are not receiving back what they’ve given. Then there is the issue of offense that can come into play in relationships. Without going into a lot of details or examples, we must realize that the answer to these relational quandaries are found in the Word of God. God’s New Covenant Spiritual Law requires an opposite spiritual action to the wrong done to or against us in a different spirit: His Spirit (Luke 6: 27; Matthew 5: 44). The Law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus makes us free from the Law of Sin and Death (Romans 8: 2)! Man’s natural fallen nature wants to react in the same spirit or force done against it, but not so with the Father’s supernatural Law of the Spirit of Life. Jesus constantly demonstrated this overcoming Spirit over nature, physics, disease, death and darkness. So must we as His disciples. He was not limited by any power in Hell or on earth. By reacting and operating by the Spirit of Life in the Father, Jesus released supernatural power from on High! Through Him we can too! We are not bound by earthly limitations but rather can be the conduits for His Divine Nature and Power at work in us! (Romans 8: 11)

The word ‘discipline” is a form of the root word ‘disciple’. A discipline is a pattern of thought, life and work that requires one to follow in order to achieve mastery in whatever field it encompasses. To be a good musician and become proficient in that discipline, one must practice their instrument regularly, learn and be familiar with music theory, learn new songs, be tutored, and be exposed to various types of music for greater understanding. To become physically fit and strong, the daily discipline requires a healthy diet, weight bearing exercises, aerobics and consistency.

It’s no different in the spirit realm. To be spiritually fit and a disciple of Christ, there are certain things I must do daily i.e., “give us this day our DAILY bread.” I can’t afford to let these things slip or I will slide back into carnal ways of thinking and living thus stunting my spiritual progress.  Since a father (by God’s design) is a provider, guide and the source of our sustenance when we are young, our Heavenly Father is our source of all good things. When we fall short, He’s not there to cast us aside and reject us, but He’s ready to give us the wisdom keys and power to live a fruitful life in Christ for the asking!

Forgiveness is a requirement for Kingdom Living. It’s a matter of choice and discipline-DAILY. When past offenses rear their head we can choose to meditate on them or meditate on the Word of God. We choose to either react in like spirit or counter-act it with His agape love and forgiveness. We can’t expect something of someone who can’t or won’t make things right. Only Our Heavenly Father is meant to fill those empty places in our soul that didn’t get filled correctly; whether it be by a parent, minister, supervisor, neighbor, spouse or friend. When you choose to put God’s Spiritual Law of Motion to work in your own life and in the lives of those who have offended you or let you down, you create and become a witness to a “God Reaction” of the Heavenly kind! You WILL be blessed!

“Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord. Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart—they do no wrong but follow his ways. You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands. I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me. How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Praise be to you, Lord; teach me your decrees. With my lips I recount all the laws that come from your mouth. I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word.” Psalms 119: 1-16