CONTROL FREAK!!!

CONTROL FREAK!
Mary Ann Wray

Edgar Bergman and Charlie McCarthy were a dynamic pair which graced radio performances in its heyday. Under various sponsors, they were on the air from December 1937 through July 1956. Charlie McCarthy became Bergen’s lifelong sidekick who was presented as a child wearing an adult top hat, cape and monocle. As a “child”, Charlie could get away with double entendre that adult humans could not under broadcast standards of the day. The ‘puppet’ always seemed to be the one in control of the conversations but under a clever guise of manipulation by Mr. Berge. One was always left guessing who the real dummy of the two was after several minutes of dialogue. Nevertheless, they entertained America for years and delightfully so.

In personal relationships there usually tends to be one who is “in charge”. Control is not a bad thing in and of itself. It becomes destructive when it is used for selfish means and at the harm and expense of others. Under God’s order and design the husband should take the lead in spiritual matters and lead the home in devotions, hearing from God and setting the moral standards and examples in the home. Sadly, this doesn’t always happen. Yet in the pulpits of America we hear over and over again that “women are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord.” No one can ever argue against God’s word, but oddly, it remains one sided on this view of marriage and submission.

If marriage could be illustrated using a baseball diamond I think it would like something like this. God is on the home plate. The husband is on first, the wife on second and the children on third. The devil is in the outfield along with the rest of the world looking on in the arena. Unless we know who’s on first and what’s on second we have a problem. I don’t think anyone can argue who is a creationist that man was created first then the woman, but man must remember who made him. “What is man, that thou art mindful of him and the son of man, that you visit him? For you made him a little lower than the angels, and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him to have dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet: All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field; The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passes through the paths of the seas. O Lord our Lord, how excellent is your name in all the earth!” Psalms 8: 4-9

For this reason the head of every man is Christ and the head of woman is the man (because of the angels). This covering is meant to protect, guard, cherish and love. Christ in turn is the man’s covering and who a husband needs to look to for direction, comfort and guidance in the home. Unless a man is walking in close kinship and humility with Jesus Christ, there cannot be established order in the home. Submission is also to be a mutual thing in the church and the family. Far too long pulpits have emphasized Lordship using men as the example not Jesus Christ. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism. The Bible says that we are to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord; not Lord it over one another. What if the woman receives a word from the Lord of warning or admonition to her husband about the home et al? Is she to remain silent while her heart burns within her out of fear of being rebellious? I think she would be rebellious for not sharing what God has put on her heart and her husband would be foolish and proud not to hear what God may be saying through his wife as long as her heart is humble. The attitude of heart is what is key in sharing any word to any one! There is a balance of love and submission that occurs when two people walk in unity and in agreement with the Lord. 

When Adam was created God saw it was not good for man to be alone so he made a helper meet for him; a helper for what? A helper to take dominion over what God put in their charge. Meet for him meant suitable; of like kind. Hence, the two walked in perfect unity fulfilling their God given roles as helpers together in having dominion over God’s creation. They both walked with God and talked with God. But God gave the commandment to the man giving him the responsibility to ensure its safekeeping. This is God’s order but it falls short in so many Christian homes. So many husbands leave that to their wives; church attendance and volunteering while they remain silent on the sidelines. This is not God’s way at all. Wives want to submit to a man who hears from God; who talks to God on behalf of his family. Every Christian woman desires a man who walks with God and bears the Fruit of the Spirit. There is nothing more frustrating in a relationship when a wife looks to her husband to take the lead in the home but he can’t or doesn’t for one reason or another.

Many times men don’t have a proper role model to compare God to. They grew up in homes where Jesus wasn’t Lord and their fathers weren’t submitted to His Lordship. I think this is the main reason men fail to take proper spiritual leadership in the homes. Other times men may have been sexually abused in homes or by other men in spiritual authority which totally warped their view of spiritual headship. The whole issue revolves around true paternity. Who is your true Father?

Some men resort to control and manipulation to get their wives to act a certain way. This somehow fulfills their view of what being a man means. This type of domination cannot and does not produce true love. It produces fear. Jesus said why do you call me Lord and not do the things I tell you? We can go to church, act religious and do pious things but be totally clueless about what God’s love is all about. God’s love does not force, coerce, demean or control us. When his love is revealed to our hearts and it is shed abroad in our lives it compels us to act a certain way and we bear fruit because of it. God so loved that he gave. His love is full of good works, fruits and actions that little talk is really necessary if it is properly emplaced in the home. We rely on lip service too many times because the fruit just isn’t there so we have to talk it up to make it real in our minds. Jesus said that you’ll know a tree by its fruit not its toot.

I don’t know of a single home that is free of some sort of dysfunction. Look at Adam and Eve. All the way back in the garden, Adam blamed his wife for what the serpent did. Eve became bitter against Adam. Then their eldest son became bitter against the younger about the proper offering; killing him out of jealousy. Bitterness, jealousy, hatred, selfishness, mistakes all happens in families. What we do with it all determines who gets the upper hand. However, forgiveness, humility and compassion goes a long way!

In the fourth book of James who was our Lords’ half-brother, he writes this passage to the Christian church. You would think that he was writing to a group of unbelieving heathens but he wasn’t at all. Listen to what he says…“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4: 1-7

Notice some key words emphasized in italics. You mean Christians can lust? They sure can. They can war with each other. Yes they do. They can have pride? You bet they can. They can be double minded? Yes indeed. We live in an earth suit that needs to be cleansed by the washing of the water of the word daily. Let enough lint get in your pockets and before you know it there’s no room for change!

These are some pretty sharp words from James that cut right to the core of the flesh but when you are dealing with other believers that say they love God he expects us to demonstrate it towards one another. David’s cry was what ours should be, “Lord create in me a clean heart and renew within me a right spirit.” Until Jesus comes back, or we leave this earth by way of death, we will have to deal with our flesh, the world and the devil. We need to deal with our ‘control’ issues. This is the thing that overcomes the world…even our faith. Our faith works by love and the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts. “Beloved, let us love one another”. A daily dose of 1 Corinthians 13 keeps us in balance! What we need to control is our flesh; not each other out of a sense of self-empowerment!